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This totally resonates with me.... Except that baby is generally faced the other way, permanently attached to a boob... just like a baby kangaroo
I must say that I have been more of a hermit with baby number 4, than with any of the others. I remember being happy getting out and about regularly and visiting friends but this time I feel way more antisocial - or maybe I'm just better at saying no when I feel like I need to (which is more often than not....)
I think you do get better at listening to your body, feelings and intuition with each
baby. I remember when I had our first baby I really didn't want visitors at the hospital as I knew I would be exhausted and trying to bond with our new baby. I mentioned it and was strongly discouraged (I felt ridiculed - what would I know??) so ended up not making any restrictions .... And on followed a procession of visitors including weirdly and unannounced - my Dad's housemate (who was a 50 something Elvis impersonator - f#*king awkward (I should mention though, he WASN'T in costume... Though that would have been pretty awesome )
Then I had also decided that I wasn't happy to play pass-the-baby at every outing. My logic was that at the time Sam had gone away for 7 months and I really wanted to continue putting her down to go to sleep and not always in my (or someone's) arms - as once I was home and alone I wouldn't have someone there to hold her while I showered or ate, brushed my teeth etc... Once again, I ended up feeling like I was being silly and potentially depressed, and it wasn't fair that people couldn't have a hold when they came to visit. Again I ignored my feelings, instincts and needs to cater for the feelings of others. I still resent that now, even though I can rationalise that I did the best I could at that time
I guess what I'm getting at here is to listen to yourself and prioritise YOUR FEELINGS. No matter how many babies you've had, do it your way. Set some clear boundaries ie;
- Visitors only by invitation
- Visitors please bring food
- Say yes to any offer of help when people DO visit - they love feeling like they are making a difference
- Visitors only between 1-3pm
- Keep visits 30 minutes or less
- No visitors during the first 2 weeks
- Put a sign on the door "We are resting, please contact us to arrange a time to visit us"
Don't put the comfort of others above your own needs. You shouldn't have to negotiate. Create the postpartum space that will help you to recover, discover and bond with your new family
I'm Hayley,
Doula, Birth Educator and Mother of 4. I have been a birth worker for over 10 years and it is my life's work to support you to have your best birth and postpartum possible! Think of me as your constant birth companion and post partum bestie - my mission is to help guide you throughout the incredible experience as you meet your new family member and settle in to life with your baby! I live in the Perth Hills and service the metro area and some regional areas subject to availability
Connect with me through
Phone 0438 188 122
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